Literally Blogging

Well, friends, I’ve done it. I’ve uncovered another clue in our latest literary mystery. I saw the man reading on his porch again: same spot in the book, naturally. So I went home to get my digital camera, hoping to snap his picture and post it here, in case any of our FBI agent readers may recognize him.

Perhaps that would be unethical or even illegal, but really, what do laws matter in the pursuit of truth and justice? Alas, he wasn’t there when I returned. But his book was. Knowing that the identity of the tome could provide crucial evidence, I quickly took a picture, and then ran away in case he was ready to chase after me and torture me for information. Notice that the decrepit-ness of the book would indicate this is an oft-read copy…and note that it is still open to the middle.

People, he’s reading The Stand. The Stand. This is significant for two reasons.

• 1. I was reading the same book just a few days ago! And it’s the same edition. In fact, when I saw the cover, my stomach jumped and the first thought that came to mind was: Has he been in my house? Did he steal it from me? He didn’t, but it was still weird.
• 2. The most important: this is a book about a virus engineered for world annihilation!! Germ warfare, designed to wipe out most of the earth’s population! Do you see the significance? I think this situation has escalated beyond wacky to truly terrifying.

Please, keep watch over your families. I fear for the future. 
 

This is one of my favorite categories here, because if literature is filled with one thing, it’s whackjobs. Writers and readers are totally nutters, and we love them for it.

We have a Literally Wacky mystery on our hands, my friends. One we are going to solve. For three days now, as I’ve roamed around my apartment complex for some errand or another, I’ve passed a guy sitting on his porch, reading a book. Not so unusual, except that he’s always staring at the exact same spot in the book. In three days, he hasn’t progressed at all. Well, okay, I know I can’t tell the exact page he’s on, but he has the book open to the middle and he never moves past it. What is the deal? Although I haven’t spied the title of the book, I can tell by the cover colors and yellow-tinged pages that it’s the same one every day.

Also, he has foregone a perfectly comfortable-looking chair on his porch and sits instead on the concrete step, long jean-clad legs splayed out in front of him, directly facing the building across the street. Hmmm. What could this wacky behavior signify? And why isn’t he reading when he’s reading?!

Our options include:

• He is the slowest reader in the world.
• He has a favorite dirty part he’s obsessed with.
• The book is just a front, and really, he’s a voyeur, spying on the girl across the street.
• He’s just pretending to read to get out of the apartment and escape his screeching harpy of a wife, and is staring at the pages, imagining ways he could murder her and get away with it.
• I totally need a life.

I will investigate this further until an answer is found. Don’t worry friends, I’m on the case.

This entry is for the fabulous Heather, who likes weird things.

Did you know…

• In the 1631 publication of the bible, a printer accidentally omitted the word “not” from the seventh commandment, encouraging readers to commit adultery.
• Writer D.H. Lawrence, well known for erotic novels such as “Lady Chatterley’s Lover” was a prude in real life and would only make love in the dark.
• English poet Ben Johnson had his heel bone stolen by the Dean of Westminster when his grave was disturbed in 1849. It later turned up in a junkshop in 1938.
• During the French Revolution the new French Constitution was bound with the tanned leather skin of a guillotined aristocrat. No, really.
• Dostoyevsky was a foot fetishist. So was F. Scott Fitzgerald.
• Two out of every three women in the world are illiterate.
• Iceland publishes more books than any other country in the world.
• Truman Capote would only write on yellow paper.
• The book “Catch 22″ was originally entitled “Catch 18″.
• Karl Marx rarely took a bath and suffered from boils most of his life.

Hooray, a new category at Literally Blogging: Literally Wacky!

Because let’s face it, who’s weirder and wackier than a writer? This will bring you all sorts of little-known literature facts that are…well, weird and wacky.

Did you know?…

• The bible is the most shoplifted book in the world.
• Norwegian playwright Henrik Ibsen had a pet scorpion which he used to keep on his desk for inspiration.
• British writer Charles Dickens always slept towards the North because he thought that it would improve his writing.
• British writer Lewis Carroll, author of “Alice In Wonderland” wrote most of his books standing up.
• The very first book about plastic surgery was written in 1597.
• British writer and poet Lord Byron once had an affair with his half sister and made her pregnant.
• British poet Lord Byron owned a pet bear while he was at Cambridge University because the rules said that dogs were not allowed.
• The glow from six firefly insects provides enough light to read a book.
• British poet George Bernard Shaw was 29 years old when he lost his virginity to an elderly widow. This event traumatized him so much that he didn’t have sex for another 15 years.
• Hans Christian Andersen was so terrified of being killed in a fire that he always carried a piece of rope with him wherever he went so that he could escape any building that was alight.
• When the poet Rosetti’s wife died he decided to bury his book of poems with her. Seven years later he changed his mind and decided that he wanted them back, so he arranged for the grave to be opened, removed the book of poems, and had them disinfected. They were later published to great acclaim.